he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
