i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
