So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
