I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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