So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
