I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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