I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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