Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
