oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
