those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize