First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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