Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
