Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
