I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
