I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
