I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
