I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
