omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
