yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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