Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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