Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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