I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out mid-signature
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
