he wants to bone in the snuggie
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
