Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
accomplished twins. life is a go
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I see more hoeing in ur future
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
