I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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