toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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