I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
