I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
