what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
