There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
