that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
