we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
