i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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