That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
