all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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