She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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