You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
