your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
