Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
