one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
