Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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