Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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