My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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