the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
