Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
