those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
