and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
