I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
