Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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