my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
