thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
