I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
