so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
